Just another weblog

Well Crap.

on May 22, 2012

So… Last night the best friend and I had the biggest fight we’ve ever had, and I’m scared that we can’t fix it. And I think he feels the same way. Basically, he loves me but theres another girl that he can’t even begin to describe his feelings for. I’ve known about her our entire friendship, but its never been a problem before last night. I said that I felt like he put a wall between us, and that she’ll always be better than me, and he basically agreed. He basically said that I’m nothing to him and that he doesn’t love me and that our entire friendship has been nothing. I was at my friend Ariana’s. And I was trashed. Literally I was so drunk, I have no idea how my hangover today isn’t worse. I just have a headache. So I was trying to deal with this, while being drunk, which ultimately resulted in me crying into a grilled cheese sandwich while laying on Ariana’s bedroom floor. Yeah I’m classy.

I’d been thinking about Brenden a lot lately (and for those of you who are reading this, you should know that story). I ran into his mom, and was being nice to her because I always am. Our conversation ended with pleasantries and me outwardly telling her that Brenden should get in touch with me again sometime. Part of me couldn’t believe that i had just consented to that. At one point Saturday night, I got scared that maybe things with Brenden were falling back into place/ getting fixed because Ian hurt me so bad. That I had to get hurt that badly by another guy to be able to forgive, or move on from/with, or whatever with the one before. And I do NOT want to be that girl.

At this point, I don’t know how things are going to pan out with my bestie. I love him, and I’m not leaving. But…. He wants me to come over today, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t think this is something I should handle while hungover, but I also don’t know if this I something that we should try to fix TODAY. Maybe we need some time to cool off… I don’t know. Things are just so complicated.

Oh hey! That was Sunday. Today’s Tuesday. Sorry I SUCK at this whole posting shit thing…. Anyway. Guess what I’m right now? Talking to Brenden. Yeah, I know. Never thought I’d do that again. But, its actually going well. I’m tired of being mad. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him, or whatever. But, I at least wanted to get to a point where I didn’t hate him anymore. We’ve been talking for a couple hours and things are going well. We have plans to hang out, and I’m kind of optimistic about this. I think that our friendship could be salvageable and I hope it is. I’m kind of excited for something to change for the better for once. Yay! Lets see how this goes.

P.S. Funny Story. We got a piece of mail today from Friendship Village in Dublin for Grandma. I was like “Lol you’re a little to late for that”. My mother, however, actually tore off the response card, wrote “I died 2 months ago. Please leave my family alone.” and sent it in! As much as my mother and I have issues and all that fun stuff, I admit, she’s got balls and damn, I appreciate that sometimes. Watch out for Mary. She’ll fucking kill you. Lol. I’ve been working on an end of the school year, wrap-up post, but clearly I’m lazy/ fictitiously busy lol. But yeah.. Maybe I’ll get that posted before sophomore year starts!!!


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